November 30, 16

好久沒有寫日記，來寫一下。今年又剩下一個月了，真是覺得對明年倍感興奮與期待，生活突然的被開啟，也有了許多新的關係，與新的方向。
八月的時候又再次經歷了精神與肉體上的崩塌，（這是否是敏感的人的宿命而後輕易的領悟它？）深陷其中，無法抽身。這次之後的康復與清醒，把這兩年來對愛戀的執著跟它所帶來的起起伏伏都一併的消退下去，若我還有什麼值得留念，大概只剩下那份兩個人一起時的穩定與平靜。也知道我所認識的戀情原來還離我有點遙遠。我的青春還在期待著我的來到。這一大段懷抱愛戀的時期，暫且成為一片巨大的空白與幻覺，在這裡面，最多的時間是在跟恐懼面對面，一個人時的不安分與沒有安全感，完全地掌握了我的每個行動與決定，我越是去思考它，它越是在我身上。沒想到竟會如此茫然與無助，失去另一份的自己，眼睜睜的還是要生活下去。覺得不可思議，也知道所有人也都曾經歷，這或許是人的一部份，我們沒辦法把所有我們喜歡的事物都一直留在身邊。而，當我們踏上雲端後，也將重重的摔落。真的不害怕那個讓我自己討厭的那個我繼續存在下去，那個醜陋的、妄為的我，今年真是讓我好好地看見了妳（我？）一次。

慣性地長時間跟自己相處，以為已經是孤獨的好手，但是當我不再能跟自己相處的時候，卻是不知道該怎麼辦，馬上慌了手腳。你們的陪伴對我如此重要，就算只是幾句三言兩語或是一個招呼我都好開心，生活上人們帶來的溫存，是我繼續前進的動力，也是我的方向之一，還有好多個世界我還沒有去過，好多個個性我還沒有聊過，也還有好多個我，我還要去認識。

也許就在這裡跨出我的下一步，跟我的下一段緣分，在這裡跟你們分手，知道我們又將重逢。

Grimes - David

LYRICS:

Thinking up stories in my mind to relax, every single night.
There are no responsibilities there, everything's alright.
Every time I'm down, I dream, I dream of you.
It's not worth it, though, forgetting everything I know.
I need my old friend sitting next to me.
Time is everything (a companion has?) to be-
Where does my heart go when you die? 
How did that moment pass me by? Oh...
How can you look so good and feel the way you do?
I never knew... Oh, I never knew, Oh...
Got me dressin' in my Sunday-best; golden spires of light.
Hours pass like they are minutes or less. Everything is alright.
Every time I'm down, I dream, I dream of you.
It's not worth it, though, forgetting everything I know. 
I need my old friend sitting next to me.
YOU were everything a companion has to be -
Where does my heart go when you die?
How did that moment pass me by?
Ohhh
How can you look so good and feel the way you do?
I never knew
Oh, I never knew...
Where does my heart go when you die?
How did that moment pass me by?
Ohh...
How can you look so good and feel the way you do?
I never knew..
Oh, I never knew...
I never knew...